Archive for June 2020

Good. Bad.   Bad. Good.   We have an attachment to binary thinking and absolutes, which limits us from addressing the real issues.   Yes, not all cops. Yes, not all white people. Yes, not all men. Should I go on?   Do you see how we get caught every time?   There is a…

“I didn’t know how bad it* was.”   I don’t believe you.   Now, stay with me a minute.   It’s not that I think you are lying. Not at all. It’s that I think you knew how bad it was, but you felt powerless to change it.   And because you felt powerless, you…

Hard Conversations Example #1:   As you may know, mediation and conflict coaching is part of my work. I thought it would be helpful to share some ideas.   Many of my friends on social media are making really thoughtful, conscious posts about racial injustice. And then, I read the comments…   The passive aggressive…

There are people who will never acknowledge that systemic racism exists, even if they know it does. Because, to do so would alienate them from their family and friends who are attached to racist ideology. The need for belonging will override any need for truth or justice.   This may strike you as shallow (or…

Do you know why we don’t like to be corrected? It’s actually a trauma response.   It’s an “authority imprint” from our childhood.   Let me explain.   When we were young, and we engaged in a behavior that required correction, it often came with a raised voice or a disciplinary action. Depending on how…

My fellow white friends, maybe you are shutting down because you are hearing messages like your hashtags and your posts and your book clubs are not enough.   So you stopped.   And you know what? That’s what an oppressive system counts on—that you will feel shame and that you will stop.   But here’s…

I remember what it was like the week Robin Williams died by suicide. For a brief moment in time, we had a collective conversation about mental health. It was powerful.   And then it stopped.   Until the next famous person died by suicide. Collective conversation. Abrupt ending.   School shootings. Collective conversations. Abrupt endings.…

Living in a world with so much racialized trauma, it is impossible for white people to not absorb some racist beliefs into our Consciousness.   It doesn’t make us* inherently bad people. It just means that we* adopted beliefs that were commonly held and taught, at some point. And, perhaps, we never took the time,…

Putting my trauma educator hat on, I want to talk a little bit about unmet needs, because I am hoping it will expand your perspective.   We have collectively been taught to think of human beings through a binary lens of “good people” and “bad people.” This way of thinking permeates every aspect of our…

Wherever you are right now, I guarantee you are running into Unresolved Grief, Anger, Shame and Victimization.   In the last week or so, maybe you’ve found yourself having difficult conversations with people—either in person or online. Maybe you’re running into a whole pile of feelings or resistance—either in yourself or in others.   So,…