Are You the Dramatic One or the Laid Back One?

In your family and social circles, are you the dramatic one or the laid back one?

There are many roles, of course. But let's chat about these two today, because they can both be easily misunderstood.

Sometimes, these so-called personality types are actually developmental behaviors. They are not necessarily your inherent nature, as much as they were adaptations in response to getting your needs met.

I'll break it down this way:

When humans---little or big ones---attempt to get their needs met, they will raise the stakes or lower the stakes. When we raise the stakes, the thought may be, "certainly if I make my needs louder, bolder and more apparent, they shall get met."

And when we lower the stakes, the thought may be, "certainly if I sit here quietly and I am not a bother, my needs shall get met." Alternatively, “my needs won’t be met anyway, so I may as well not say anything.”

Once the stakes continue to not be met, we may raise the stakes as an emotional response to indicate how impacted we are, which can be seen as dramatic. Or we may lower the stakes as an emotional response to squelch our own needs, "yeah, no big deal, I didn't really need that anyway," which can be perceived as laid back.

"My child is so dramatic!" Nope. They are probably just uncomfortable about something.

"My child is so calm!" Great. Sounds like they are getting their needs met.

"My child is so well behaved and laid back!" Ok, but do you actually mean that they don't make many demands of you? (though this may also mean they are getting their needs met)

So, we become the dramatic ones and the laid back ones and neither of these may be who we were but they become who we are. And we become so identified with these traits, and so does everyone else, that we call them our personalities.

And because these developmental adaptations often begin in infancy, and certainly can be picked up through mirroring a parent/carer, we REALLY just think we have always been this way and so do our families...and that's kinda correct.

The dramatic ones can get a bad rap because they take up space and tend to be more vocal about their needs. While people tend to love the laid back ones because they don't make many demands of other people (often to their own detriment, but some have been doing it for so long, they truly believe they have no preferences.)

The important thing is that we don't judge either of these personalities as better or worse, but just a different way that humans have adapted to get their needs met.