I want to talk about something that I think is very relevant to our current world.   As young children, we are often confused about what is ACTUALLY going on around us—in our household and the world. In our desire for understanding, we assign meaning to what we are feeling.   In other words, we…

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Since we are in the days of the coronavirus and wearing a mask has become a debatable activity, let’s talk mask usage from a trauma and behavioral perspective.   First of all, let’s recall that emotion typically dictates our logic, and not the other way around.   Emotion is based on perception and perception is…

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This question came up in the “Dismantle Racism” group that I am currently facilitating, and I thought I would also share it here.   We have been indoctrinated into a white supremacist system, so we have much to learn and unlearn.   Q: What does it mean to me to “unlearn?”   A: I believe…

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Nowadays, we tend to take strong positions. And people are often seeking to point out who is RIGHT and who is WRONG, or who is causing more harm.   But, consider this: an individual or a group can have valid points and still be causing harm to themselves and/or others.   This is part of…

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Good. Bad.   Bad. Good.   We have an attachment to binary thinking and absolutes, which limits us from addressing the real issues.   Yes, not all cops. Yes, not all white people. Yes, not all men. Should I go on?   Do you see how we get caught every time?   There is a…

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“I didn’t know how bad it* was.”   I don’t believe you.   Now, stay with me a minute.   It’s not that I think you are lying. Not at all. It’s that I think you knew how bad it was, but you felt powerless to change it.   And because you felt powerless, you…

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Hard Conversations Example #1:   As you may know, mediation and conflict coaching is part of my work. I thought it would be helpful to share some ideas.   Many of my friends on social media are making really thoughtful, conscious posts about racial injustice. And then, I read the comments…   The passive aggressive…

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There are people who will never acknowledge that systemic racism exists, even if they know it does. Because, to do so would alienate them from their family and friends who are attached to racist ideology. The need for belonging will override any need for truth or justice.   This may strike you as shallow (or…

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Do you know why we don’t like to be corrected? It’s actually a trauma response.   It’s an “authority imprint” from our childhood.   Let me explain.   When we were young, and we engaged in a behavior that required correction, it often came with a raised voice or a disciplinary action. Depending on how…

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My fellow white friends, maybe you are shutting down because you are hearing messages like your hashtags and your posts and your book clubs are not enough.   So you stopped.   And you know what? That’s what an oppressive system counts on—that you will feel shame and that you will stop.   But here’s…

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