In a world full of “I told you so” and worse, is it a wonder why people double down on their position, even if they may *want* to change their mind?   Let’s face it, collectively we lean into shame and blame of ourselves and each other. If there are no clear pathways to course-correct—no…

Victim.   It’s a loaded word. Let’s talk about it from a broader perspective, because it is related to your life more than you may even know.   In my work, there are two ways I talk about this word:   Victimization and Victim Consciousness.   Victimization is when we experience an act that is…

Fear has a bad reputation.   So, let’s get clear about something. As I see it, fear is not an inherently negative emotion.   Fear, like all emotions, is simply a communication tool. It tells us that something does not feel okay. Fear seeks to protect us from a perceived danger.   But, here’s the…

I want to talk about something that I think is very relevant to our current world.   As young children, we are often confused about what is ACTUALLY going on around us—in our household and the world. In our desire for understanding, we assign meaning to what we are feeling.   In other words, we…

Since we are in the days of the coronavirus and wearing a mask has become a debatable activity, let’s talk mask usage from a trauma and behavioral perspective.   First of all, let’s recall that emotion typically dictates our logic, and not the other way around.   Emotion is based on perception and perception is…

This question came up in the “Dismantle Racism” group that I am currently facilitating, and I thought I would also share it here.   We have been indoctrinated into a white supremacist system, so we have much to learn and unlearn.   Q: What does it mean to me to “unlearn?”   A: I believe…

Nowadays, we tend to take strong positions. And people are often seeking to point out who is RIGHT and who is WRONG, or who is causing more harm.   But, consider this: an individual or a group can have valid points and still be causing harm to themselves and/or others.   This is part of…

Good. Bad.   Bad. Good.   We have an attachment to binary thinking and absolutes, which limits us from addressing the real issues.   Yes, not all cops. Yes, not all white people. Yes, not all men. Should I go on?   Do you see how we get caught every time?   There is a…

“I didn’t know how bad it* was.”   I don’t believe you.   Now, stay with me a minute.   It’s not that I think you are lying. Not at all. It’s that I think you knew how bad it was, but you felt powerless to change it.   And because you felt powerless, you…

Hard Conversations Example #1:   As you may know, mediation and conflict coaching is part of my work. I thought it would be helpful to share some ideas.   Many of my friends on social media are making really thoughtful, conscious posts about racial injustice. And then, I read the comments…   The passive aggressive…